My first day of being Fifty Two

Well, that’s me-Fifty Two and how the hell I’ve got this far ah don’t know – well, I do and it’s mainly my Family, who, since my early adulthood have been there at the critical moments in my life to help me out and bail me out of some shite situations. To Linda ,Chris and Davy ah would say that John Martyn’s ‘May you never’ says it all. Good pals have been a factor- I’m lucky that I’ve still got them and am relieved and grateful that I’ve still got them. Anyway, I’ve been lucky this week- I’ve been on holiday and the early April weather has been great – March was F–kin’ Baltic and coming home to the freezin’ flat after a night shift is now a distant memory. I’ve been going to bed about Nine or Ten at night and getting up about six in the morning, enjoying the sun rise and watching the Starlings eat what I’ve left them- they’re noisy Bastards but really entertaining. I’ve had one of those Tivo boxes for a month now and never used it – never watch telly much, maybe Family Guy or the news and that’s it. I’ve been devoting a bit of time to getting my favourite music on the Computer – from ‘Ramblin man’ by the Allman Brothers to ‘I’ve seen all good people’ by Yes- via Borodin, Dave Brubeck,Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin, Santana and Stevie Wonder. I’ve been eating a lot more – in fact if I’m being totally honest some of the jobbies I’ve let loose lately probably weighed more than I did in January. So, all in all a good wee week and I’m not back at work till Tuesday.

Bingstock and the Czech Philharmonic Orchestra

Unfortunately I’ll not be able to attend ‘Bingstock’ -the concert for bands that used to hail from Pumphy.I’ll miss not seeing ‘Pumpherston Airplane’- ‘Gladys Knight and the Tips’ and Bruce Bingsteen. Also really gutted about missing out on seeing Pumphy’s very own husband and wife porno stars-Monty Fuck and Fanny Sayer attend the premier of their new film ‘Bings,rings and lubricants’. Still, I have the Czech Philharmonic Orchestra performing Vaughn Williams’ ‘The Lark Ascending’ to look forward to – it’s a beautiful piece of music and a long time favourite of mine.

Scud Broons new flat Diaries

Well, that’s the first month over with and all in all it’s been a no’ bad wee journey so far – F-ckin Baltic though but now that spring, theoretically, [at least] is here the cold should be the last thing on my mind. People at work have been great and very kind and my family have been out of this World as always. It’s a funny thing but when I’m eating my scrambled eggs or Bacon sandwich or whatever when I get in from work in the morning I get a great view of the Pentlands from Scald Law to Hillend- ish but right in front of me, maybe Three or Four Hundred yards away is the wee Bowling club[Letham] and next to that is what remains of the old road which before Livingston was built used to come out onto the Pumphy to Mid Calder road near to the entrance of Dandy’s farm. I can’t remember but when Davy B and I were bairns that old road was a favourite walk of my mothers and she used to take us for walks along it- sometimes starting at Harrysmuir Road and on down through what is now Pine Grove and the Mall and eventually out at the wee junction on the Mid Calder road and sometimes she would take us in the opposite direction. I remember her telling me once that one day as she was starting out on the walk, Mr Porteous, the local bobby told her that it would probably be the last time she’d be able to take us that way as the heavy machinery was about to move in and start building what is now Craigshill- and here I am Fifty years later able to look out at where I used to go as a toddler. ‘That is the land of lost content, I see it shining plain-the happy highways where I went, and cannot come again’ .

F–K UEFA and FIFA

I can’t forgive UEFA and FIFA for destroying the game that I love[d]. Having the Eight Champions League Second round ties spread over a Fortnight is the height of nonsense.Of course,it’s all about money,now, and sponsors and TV – common sense has taken a back seat and it looks like it’ll stay in the back seat for a long time to come.The last Sixteen of the ‘Champions’ League has Four teams each from England and Germany and Three from Spain-that’s almost Three Quarters of the draw from just Three countries.Why don’t they re-name it the ‘We’re no’really interested unless you’re a big team from an elite League in Europe with a Billionaire chairman’ League. If you go back to March 1984 you’ll find that Dundee United were preparing to meet Rapid Vienna in the Quarter Final of the old ‘European Champion Clubs Cup'[Thankfully, from day One, it was known simply as ‘The European Cup’]-not Two of Europe’s richest or most glamourous clubs by any means,but Two clubs that had earned the right to compete in the Champions cup by winning their respective domestic League titles. In those days,the UEFA Cup would have Four clubs from England,Spain Italy and West Germany-making it like the Champions League of today.It would have made more sense to play the Super Cup between the winners of the European Cup and the UEFA Cup-the Cup Winners Cup was always thought of as being a poor mans European Cup-alot of the bigger Countries either didn’t take their Cup competition seriously or never had One at all and if you look at the Finals down the years you’ll notice that the bigger clubs of today, or back then, never dominated the trophy. Sadly,since the formation of the Champions League, the oldest Cup competition in the World[the FA Cup],has become a pale shadow of it’s former self.Gone are the days when a lower or non League team could draw one of the Giants and expect to see all the top players in action-now,a non League side drawing Man City or Chelsea or Arsenal would be lucky to see a couple of First team regulars on the opposite side-and all because The Champions League has become so lucrative.An FA Cup win pales into insignificance beside a top Four League finish-changed days indeed.

Premier League History-Part Two-76-77

Celtic were Champions this season-after an indifferent opening Quarter they lost only Two of the next Twenty Seven matches.They were top by mid December and never looked like losing the League.They scored a record number of Premier League goals[79] and failed to score in only Three matches.Glavin,19[5 pens],craig,16,Dalglish,14[2 pens] were their top scorers.Thirteen different players scored their goals and One opponent scored for them.They also set a new points record[55] Rangers battled it out for the Runner up spot for most of the season with Aberdeen,before pulling away in the last few weeks of the season,finishing on 46 points,Three ahead of The Dons.Rangers scored 62 times in the League[12 different scorers],including Seven pens.Parlane,16 and Johnstone, 15 were the top scorers. Aberdeen scored 56 times in the League[14 different scorers],with Joe Harper their only player to hit Double figures,18,including Three pens. Dundee Utd scored 54 League goals[scored by 11 Utd players and 1 Hearts player],including Two pens by Goalie Hamish MacAlpine.Sturrock,15 and Wallace,13 were there double figures goalscorers.They finished on Forty One points,Two behind The Dons. Partick Thistle’s great form at home certainly helped them to a comfortable 5th place[35 pts]-only relegated Hearts and Killie and Motherwell had poorer away records.Losing only Four of Eighteen home matches,however,kept them safe from the threat of relegation.They lost 1-5 v 4th placed Dundee Utd, 2-4 v Champs Celtic and strangely Twice 0-1 and 0-2 v Ayr Utd.They won both Home matches against Rangers 4-3 and 2-1.They scored 40 goals[scored by 11 players]including an og.Four were pens-Two scored by Alan Hansen.Doug Somner netted Eleven goals[2 pens]. Hibs finished in 6th place on Thirty Four pts.They won Eight,lost Ten and drew Eighteen matches,scored 34 goals and conceded 35.Ten different players scored the goals and One og made it 34. Motherwell finished Two points behind Hibs on 34 and ,like Partick Thistle, had their fine home form to thank for keeping them safe from the drop.They lost only Three of Eighteen Home matches-2-4 v A yr Utd 0-2 v Rangers and 1-3 v Aberdeen.They scored 57 League goals[Nine different scorers],including Two by Celtics Andy Lynch in one match[3-0 Motherwell] and another og scored by Hearts.Willie Pettigrew scored 21 goals and former Hibs legend Jimmy o’Rourke,who was relegated St Johnstone’s top scorer the previous season with Eight goals was ‘wells 2nd top scorer this season with Nine goals. Ayr United finished in 8th place on Thirty points and in contrast to Partick and Motherwell it was their Away form which saved them from relegation-only Champions Celtic and Runners up Rangers won more points away from Home than Ayr.Ten players scored their 44 League goals[Three pens]McCall was their top scorer with 16 goals. Two wins in their last Fifteen matches helped to relegate Hearts-they finished on 27 points-Three behind Ayr.They scored 49 League goals,Willie Gibson scoring 15 times. Killie finished bottom on 17 points and failed to win a match away from home.They only managed 32 goals[Ten different scorers] but Fallis did score Ten of them.

A premier League History-Stats and Facts-1975-76

pld won Dr lost F–A won Dr lost F–A Pts RANGERS 36 15 2 1 38-12 8 6 4 21-12 54 CELTIC 36 10 5 3 35-18 11 1 6 36-24 48 HIBERNIAN 36 13 2 3 37-15 5 5 8 21-25 43 MOTHERWELL 36 11 4 3 29-18 5 4 9 28-31 40 HEARTS 36 7 5 6 23-19 6 4 8 16-25 35 AYR UTD 36 10 3 5 29-24 4 3 12 17-35 33 ABERDEEN 36 8 5 5 27-19 3 5 10 22-31 32 DUNDEE UTD 36 9 3 6 27-20 3 5 10 19-28 32 DUNDEE 36 8 5 5 31-26 3 5 10 18-36 32 ST JOHNSTONE 36 3 4 11 19-34 0 1 17 10-45 11 So ended the very First Premier League season in Scotland.Rangers,the last team to win the old League title in 1974/75 became the First team to win the new Premier League title in 1975/76.On August 30,1975 the Glasgow rivals began their League campaign against each other at Ibrox in front of a 69,000 crowd,which,to this day,is still the Premier Leagues biggest ever attendance.Rangers scored Fifty Nine goals[by Fifteen different players,Four were own goals-Two in One match and Two were Penalties.Two of their players reached Double figures in the League,Derek Johnstone,15 and willie Henderson,10.Twenty Three players were used that season. Celtic scored Seventy One goals[scored by Eleven different players],including Five penalties and Three players reached double figures with League goals-Kenny Dalglish,24,Dixie Deans,15 and Bobby Lennox,10.They used Twenty Four players that season. Hibs scored Fifty Five goals,Fourteen different scorers,including Two own goals and Five penalties[Four of them scored by ex Pumphy Juniors and Scotland legend John’Onions’ Brownlie].Arthur Duncan scored Thirteen League goals. Hibs used Twenty Three players. Motherwell scored Fifty Seven League goals[by Twelve different scorers],including One o.g and Five penalties.Willie Pettigrew scored 22 League goals and ‘Well used Nineteen players. Hearts scored Thirty Nine goals[Nine different scorers],including Two o.g’s,and Three penalties.They used Twenty One players. Ayr United scored Forty Six goals[Ten different scorers] including Five penalties-John Graham scored 16 league goals and was One of Twenty Two players Ayr used in the League. Aberdeen scored Forty Nine League goals[Nine different scorers]including Four penalties and One o.g.Jocky Scott was their top scorer with Fourteen goals they used Twenty Seven players. Dundee United scored Forty Six League goals[Twelve different scorers]including Four penalties-One scored by the Goalkeeper,Hamish McAlpine They used Twenty Four players.Top scorer Tom McAdam[12]. Dundee scored Forty Nine goals[scored by 14 players]including One o.g and Nine penalties[Gordon Strachan scored Three of them].Gordon Wallace was their top scorer with Twelve goals and they used Twenty Four players. St Johnstone scored Twenty Nine goals in the League[Ten different scorers] including One o.g.Top scorer was former Hibs legend Jimmy o’Rourke with Eight goals.They used Twenty Four players. At the end of the First Premier League season [1975-76] Two Hundred and Thirty One players were used and One Hundred and Sixteen of them scored Four Hundred and Ninety One goals.Forty Two penalties were scored, with Dundee scoring Nine and Twelve Own Goals were scored-Celtic and St Johnstone scoring Three each.The Top Five League Goalscorers were Dalglish[Celtic],24-Pettigrew[Motherwell],22-Graham[Ayr Utd]16-Johnstone[Rangers]15 and Scott[Dundee]14. Twice,in the course of the season Nine goals were scored in a match-Motherwell winning 6-3 at Dens Park and Celtic winning 7-2 at Somerset Park.In the Four League matches between Ayr and Celtic,Twenty Four goals were scored.Celtic winning 7-2 and 5-3 away from home,and winning,3-1 and losing,1-2 at home.The 1976-77 stats will follow soon.

Pumphy-A Fitba History-Part One

The story of Fitba’ in pumphy begins with the great Paraffinikos team of the 1880’s.They were the Queens Park of West Lothian,spreading the beautiful game to out of the way places like Fawhoo and Threemiletoun-the spark that lit the flame. In 1885 they won the fore runner of the Champions league when they beat the Ivan the terrible Biscuit factory 3-1 in the final of the European Industrial cup.As a reward for winning the Trophy the team were taken on holiday to Greece.Some of the curious locals turned up to watch the men from Pumphy play this strange game and in time formed their own team calling it Panathinaikos,in homage to the great Paraffinikos. With the expansion of shale mining in Pumphy there was room for another Fitba’ team and,so,in 1896,the year that ‘Auld Scud’ was born,so too were the famous Bingfica.Originally called Bingfecal on account of their fans throwing shite at the opposition from the top of the Bing,they changed the name when they were voted into the West Lothian Shale mining League.By the turn of the century they were recognised as the best team in Britain.In 1902 they emulated the great Paraffinikos by winning the European Industrial cup,beating the Vladivostok Fish Factory 2-0 in the final.As a reward for winning the Trophy the team were taken to Lisbon on holiday.Once again curious locals turned up to watch them play Fitba and in time formed their own team,and in homage to the Pumphy legends. Part Two to follow soon.

PREMIER LEAGUE HISTORY -Pt 6 – A Five season summary

In Five years of the premier league the old firm had won it Twice, been runners up Twice and finished Fifth Once. Over the Five years Rangers amassed 237 points[averaging Forty Nine per season]Celtic were on 234 points[av,Forty Eight],Aberdeen had 218 points for an average of Forty Four per season-Dundee United had 194 points for an average of Thirty Eight per season. Hibs were the only other team to play in the top division in its first five years. Records- Most points in a season 55,Rangers 1977/78-most wins in a season-24,Rangers 1977/78-fewest goals conceded in a season 24, Rangers, 1975/76-most goals scored in a season 79,Celtic 1976/77-fewest defeats in a season 4,Celtic 1976/77 -fewest points in a season 11,St Johnstone 1975/76-fewest wins in a season 3,St Johnstone 1975/76-most defeats in a season 28,St Johnstone 1975/76-most goals conceded in a season 86,Motherwell 1978/79 -fewest goals scored in a season 23,Clydebank 1977/78. Over the course of those first Five years Rangers lost just Eight league games at home-Twice to Aberdeen and St Mirren and once to Hibs,Dundee United,Celtic and Hearts. Celtic lost Eleven matches at home in the same period-Four against Motherwell,Three against Aberdeen,Two[in the same season]against St Mirren and One each against Hibs and Ayr United. Aberdeen,St Mirren and Hibs were the only sides who recorded victories away from home against both halves of the old firm after Five seasons of the premier league. Outwith the league those same Five seasons saw Dundee United and Aberdeen each win the league cup and Aberdeen lose a final.The old firm dominated the Scottish cup during this period-Rangers winning it Three times and reaching the final Twice,losing to Celtic both times-Hibs,Aberdeen and Hearts all reached,and lost,the final.

wee premier league history-part three -1978-79

At the end of the next season [78/79] Dundee United were top after playing their Thirty Six matches-unfortunately for united a terrible winter[some teams didn’t play for Two months] caused a huge fixture back log and the old firm had enough games in hand take the top Two places-Celtic finishing top with Forty Eight points,Rangers Three points behind.United finished Third with Forty Four points and Aberdeen ended up in Fourth place with Forty points. Hibs,in Fifth place,had a fine season at home-losing only Twice and conceding less than a goal a game. St Mirren and Morton finished on Thirty Six points each,a point behind Hibs and Eighth placed Partick Thistle were only Eleven points behind runners up,Rangers.Hearts and Motherwell finished well off the pace with Twenty Three and Seventeen points respectively. So,after four seasons of Premier league football things seemed to be a bit more competitive but it was still Fourteen years since a team outwith the old firm had won the league. The 1979-80 season was the season when the storm from the East first blew across the premier league. Aberdeen finally broke the old firm duopoly when they finished the season as champions,a point ahead of Celtic[Forty Seven] and Six ahead of Third placed St Mirren who ended up on Forty Two points.Dundee United and Rangers were Fourth and Fifth,respectively,finishing the season on Thirty Seven points-Eleven points behind champions,Aberdeen and Eleven points ahead of relegated Dundee.The Dark Blues had the small consolation of not finishing bottom on account of Hibs losing Twenty Four of Thirty Six league matches.Sixteen of their Eighteen points were won at home. Dundee United kept Fourteen clean sheets in their Eighteen home matches,conceding just six goals and losing Two matches.Earlier in the season United picked up their first major honour when they beat Aberdeen in the League cup final-with Celtic winning the Scottish cup we had the Three major trophies being won by Three different teams.So,a healthy argument for the premier league achieving what it set out to achieve.Some facts and figures to come in part Four

In response to an E.Mail from Davy B

A while back I’d mentioned to my brother the German footballer who smoked the silk cut fags-‘Low tar Mattheus’ and it got me thinking about some other daft stuff.There was the famous Dutch player from the Seventies who was the dope smokers worst nightmare-Johan Naeskins and his ex team mate who ended up selling condoms on club 18-30 holidays-Johnny Rep.That train of thought then headed off on a wee branch line to mad fitba’ teams.Now that We’re all European we should trade names with euro zone fitba’ teams.We could have Borrussia Newton Wamphray,Red star Lasswade,Florence mechanics,K.G.B Strollers and last,but by no means least,Dukla Pumpherston. you never know,it might turn out to be a hit-which is more than can be said for the euro zone. I know next to nothing about politics and my interest in economics goes as far as trying not to run out of Tea bags and Roll ups but even Helen Keller,in a cave with Forty feet of heavy duty blackout curtain wrapped aroond her heid,would be able to figure out that something’s no’ right here.  Thousands of years ago people from the Eastern Mediterranean and North Africa traded with people from ‘The Tin Isles'[what they called Britain] and they seemed to dodge away nicely without a single currency.