2021 State of the Nation address.

Well, that’s nearly that for the year and as ah’ve been a bit sparse wi’ ma contributions tae the site ah’ve decided tae put a wee shift in.                        Health wise it’s been no’ too bad- apart fae the pain and discomfort when ah walk which, hopefully, will get sorted when ah get the Steint thing put in. It can be a bit soul destroyin’ at times and the Shite circulation is the main source of my visits fae the Black Dug. This last month has been a particular Cunt Black Dug wise. Ah think ah’ve got a thing- like that Bi Polar thing. Ah couldny present the Scud Broon who never goes oot and lives in his Jammies tae people ah meet in the street. Folk wid think ah was a miserable Cunt. In company ah’m really upbeat and ootgoin’ – as soon as the door shuts on the World ah turn intae an awfy morose C–t. No’ aw the time, mind you, – ah love a laugh and if ah feel ah’m descendin’ intae the black hole, a dose of Benny Hill or the life of Brian will drag me up laughin’. Another great comfort blanket for me is watchin’ the 1970 Brazil team on the You Tube. Clodoaldo said ‘We had Five Aces- Pele, Tostao, Gerson, Rivelinho and Jairzinho- a pack of cards only has Four’. The Fourth goal for Brazil is, for me, and almost everyone else( ah say almost because there will be a contrarian Cunt oot there who’ll disagree- there’s always One) the greatest goal ever scored in any final, let alone, the World Cup final. There are nae words for that goal- just facial expressions ranging fae awe tae wonder tae a wee sadness that we’ll never see Fitba’ like that again. Ah’ve waited Fifty years and ah’ve never seen anything like it since.  Ah’m up in the mornin’ for the Opthalmologist appointment so ah’ll sign off and write more tomorrow.

Scotland beatin’ Denmark at Hampden was brilliant- the best ah’ve ever seen them play and a notch above beatin’ European Champions, Czechoslovakia, in 1977 and Euro 84 runners up, Spain, not long after they’d lost to the France of Platini, Tigana and Giresse. Hibs beatin’ Rangers at Hampden was great. Other than that the last month has been a bit Shite.

Shitsville

Fuck sake, what a week that was. Monday(25th) was the Sixth anniversary of ma near fatal Heart Attack, so a celebrated wi’ big Callum, a bottle of Old Pulteney and half a bottle of Tamnavulin. Ah remember spillin’ half a bag of Sugar and half a jar of Coffee on the floor, so it was probably a good night. Ah’ve been sent tae Coventry wi’ Linda and Andrew for a couple of Pus book posts ah put up. Ma post aboot the Tory MP gettin’ stabbed was way over the top and ah regret puttin’ it up on Facebook. It was Ned-ish and out of order and ah’m sorry ah posted it. It caused a wee stir among ma family, tae say the least, and ah wish ah’d watched Camilla Creampie on the Tablet instead. Ah stand by ma questioning of Walter Smith’s legendary status, though. Anyway, it’s been a Shitey week and ah’ve slept through most of it- the Vietnam War documentary was great and ah thoroughly enjoyed it. Ah missed the episode that covered the Mai Lai massacre, so ah watched a You Tube thing aboot it. There was another massacre on the same day where almost a Hundred innocents were slaughtered- and that was aboot Two miles fae Mai Lai. Ah was thinkin’ aboot Tories and royalty and aw that landed Gentry- a Thoosand years the chinless inbred Cunt’s have controlled anything that’s controllable. Parliament, Law, employment, everything, and ye still get those Tits who’ll wave their wee Union Jacks and tell ye that we need the House of Lords- Fuck off. The same people who go on aboot Winston Churchill and how he won the war. The Americans and Russians won the war- we were gettin’ shat on untill they came on tae the scene- if they hadny, we’d aw be Goose-stepping up tae the Sausage shop whistlin’ Lilly effin’ Marlene. Time for somethin’ tae eat- ah’ll get back tae bein’ a crabbit Cunt.

The big Yelly Van.

Ah had a great day today wi’ the Broons- a full hoose- it’s no often the Four of us get together so it was brilliant. Nick and big Di were here, too, and we aw had a great laugh. It got me thinkin’, when they’d headed back doon tae Hawick, aboot growin’ up in Pumphy in the late Sixties and early Seventies. There seemed tae be a weird amount of Brothers and Sisters who still lived together into their Sixties- there were Five families in Harrysmuir North, alone. Maybe Harrysmuir North was seen as ‘possible incest St’- ah don’t know. In those Five families there were Fifteen Brothers and Sisters and One mother who was a cantankerous auld Cunt who tried tae spoil oor fun at every chance she got. Anyway, the big Yelly Dafty Bus wid come in tae Pumphy Once a week tae take the Lunatics off the grass and away tae the special school at Oakbank( ah think) a couple of miles away. They should’ve spent Three or Four Hours at the special school but the Bus picked so many people up at Pumphy that ah think they got Twenty minutes playin’ wi’ Crayons and swappin’ bogies. When the Bus first arrived in Pumphy there was the driver and Popeye the Sailor man behind him, wavin’ at everythin’ and awthing- by the time the Bus left Pumphy it looked like One of those over crowded trains in India- folk hangin’ fae the roof , on the wing mirrors, the bumpers- mental.

Odds and ends.

That’s me quite settled in tae the new flat, noo. Ah’m relatively content and tryin’ tae leave behind some of ma bad habits at Forth Drive, unfortunately buryin’ ma heid under the sand is a bad habit, like the fags, that ah canny shake off. Ah’m coughin’ like Fuck 70% of the time ah’m smokin’ a joint- fuckin’ mental, and logic just flies oot the windie. Anyway, ah’ve felt as if a melancholy is creepin’ in- no’ quite the Black Dug, but a worn oot deflated feelin’ that ah’m strugglin’ wi’ at the moment.. Ah’ve got that that auld place tae deal wi’- ah might just send the keys back tae them by post. Ah just want tae wash ma hands of it. Ah’ve got a Cunt of  cauld as well, and that’s just makin’ things worse. Ah was at the Scotland v Israel World Cup qualifier- that was great but ah think it’s where ah picked up ma cauld. It was worth it, though,- the atmosphere was brilliant. That Israel are a shower of cheatin’ Cunts and ah’m no’ surprised that Tutankhamen’s uncle( or whoever the Fuck it was) told them tae go forth and multiply. Ah watched an awfy disturbing thing on the Telly aboot German atrocities in Ukraine durin’ WW2. hearin’ soldiers tryin’ tae justify shootin’ Two Million Mother’s and their kids was quite chillin’ – the matter of factness was quite scary.

This has been a Shit week fae day One on Sunday up to and includin’ noo. These legs are gettin’ tae me. Ah hate goin’ oot because they get really painful and even a wee walk is a Cunt. Ah get up, have a double dose of the Amatryptilene and the Prozac, wash it doon wi’ a Whisky Coffee and usually go back tae ma bed. Ah hate the Winter and ah don’t know if ah’ve got the will power tae stick it oot. Because ah get a wee overlap of Tablets fae Boots ah’m able,every Two months, tae put a wee stash away just in case. Ah’m off tae Hampden tomorrow for the Scotland Israel game and am lookin’ forward tae it. A wee win wid put us in  guid place tae make the play offs. We get a run through and back which is great because it’s aw the effin aboot before ye get tae the game and aw the effin’ aboot after it’s finished that’s a pain in the erse.. Anyway, ah canny be bothered typin’ and ah’ off for a soak in the bath. More tomorrow.

 

Polis

A few months back at Fort Apache, the Drive, when the wee Cunt next door was attractin’ the Polis every Five minutes, ah got a knock on ma door One night after a particularly noisy evenin’. Ah opened the door and the Polis were there- Three of them. The guy who knocked ma door was obviously a man on a mission who wisny goin’ home without arrestin’ people. Ah found his manner somewhat confrontational, for a member of the Gestapo, but, lookin’ at him, ah could see where aw this quiet rage was comin’ fae. He was a Cunt who obviously got bullied when he was at School. He was aboot ma height and he had what must’ve been the World’s strongest prescription glasses ah’ve ever seen- the Two lenses were full of eye- if ah’d got a shot of them ah wid’ve probably seen water on Mars. It got me thinkin’ aboot the Polis and what percentage of them got bullied when they were young and was this was their way of gettin’ back at the bullies. Ah always thought that the entry exam tae the Polis was made up of just Two questions- Are ye a Bawbag wi’ nae mates ?. If ye answered yes tae them both ye were in. Ah always thought that  Karate folk are a bit like the Polis- Ninety Five per cent Bawbags wi’ the odd good guy thrown in. Most of the Karate folk ah’ve met or known were awfy Bawbags- aw obsessed wi’ their Martial Art and the smug knowledge that they can knock Fuck oot ye, Cunt’s.    Anyway, ah was at Kelty on Saturday passed watchin’ the Kelty Hearts play Annan Athletic in the Scottish League Two top of the table clash. Kelty won 2-1 in front of a great wee crowd. Ah felt it comin’ back home after the game. Ah got dropped off at the shop – it’s no’ far fae ma flat and ah thought ah’d get ma shoppin’ and stroll doon leisurely tae Castle Scud. By Fuck, was ah wrong. Ah was totally effed when ah got the few Hundred yards back tae the flat. Ah had tae stop Four or Five times. It despairs me, bein’ almost crippled wi’ this Shite circulation but it’s of ma own ma makin’ Ah have tae give up smokin’ but ah just dinny think ah’ve got the will power- ah love bein’ stoned, so the edible route seems tae be the best option. Anyway, more tomorrow or later.

New House.

That’s almost a week noo in the new place and ah’m settlin’ in nicely. Got the kitchen, hallway and livin’ room sorted- ah need an Ariel and a bookcase for the bedroom and that’ll be me. Walkin’ tae the shop can be an ordeal as ah have tae stop every so often tae give ma Calf’s a rest. Walkin’ back can be a Bastard tae. Despite the move and the new/familiar sights ma health is a constant downer. Ah get a wee bit depressed ( or down, at least) and it’s become a regular occurrence- dizzy spells, sharp jaggin’ pains in ma legs and arms and wee murmurs in ma chest. Ah think sometimes that ah’ll probaby drop doon deid before the years oot- just ma luck. Still, ah’ve got loads tae keep ma mind of aw that Shite. It’s guid that ah dinny have tae go far for the Bob Hope, which, ah must admit, ah’ve no’ been smokin’ as much. Ah spend most of the time in the kitchen at the table, which has been an awfy boon and is the only cluttered part of the flat. Ah always end up wi’ far too much Shite and ma big job here in the new place will be tae keep it fae gettin’ cluttered. That’s me till Saturday – sometimes the site crashes after ah’ve typed oot alot of words and it’s annoyin’, so ah’m signin’ off.

 

Flittin’.

Ah saw Fanny by Gaslight last night- ah’d never seen it before and it was the last thing ah expected tae see while ah was walkin’ through the Pumphy Wids on the path tae Craigshill at Two in the mornin’, but that’s another story.  Ah’m gettin’ quite excited aboot ma move. Ah should be in by next Saturday, sittin’ wi’ a wee Uigeadail, listenin’ tae Santana. Ah had a spare room that ah didny need full of stuff ah didny need- so the move will be a wee opporchancity tae make a fresh start and no’ be a Tit. Ah’ll Fuck up, though, ah know ah will. Everything will be new- Cooker, Washing Machine, Fridge, Freezer, Carpets, and that’ll be a first for me. Julie’s been at me for ages tae move but ah’m like a Giant Sloth wi’ a Chicken’s brain and ah’ve dillied and dallied- so a huge thanks tae Julie D for gettin’ it all organized. Ah was told that, fae ma new place, then west along the Cawburn road until ye get on tae Uphaw Station road, then along that until ah get on tae Drumshoreland road, past the COOP and back doon tae ma bit, is a mile- so that’s the target every day, at least. It’s mad that ah’ve ended up livin’ on top of what was the ‘Pratt’s Tip’ and near tae the legendary ‘Hairy Tip,’ where ah spent sae many wonderful days as a wee boy, climbin’ mountains and hidin’ fae Germans and Japanese gentlemen wi’ guns( oor PC obsessed climate does not permit me tae call them what ma pals called them in the early Seventies), buildin’ dams and underground trenches, crawlin’ through the undergrowth and have rabbits jump oot in front of ye, whackin’ away at bushes and plants wi’a guid stick that ye ended up takin’ hame because it was that guid. Just a few yards fae ma front door is the auld mine where ma Granny’s sister’s husband used to begin his underground walk tae start his shift at the Dean’s mine. Fae ma flat it’s only a couple of Hundred fae the spot where ma brother, Andrew, died in 1959. Ah used tae climb the trees in the wee bit of Wids that are left down by the Cawburn road a few yards fae the flat. ……. More tomorrow – One of these days ah’ll get tae Five Hundred words.

 

Ullapool

Had a great wee break in Ullapool-  great weather,nice people- great Whisky. Ah got a wee taste for the Whisky in Ullapool- and ah’ve had a wee tipple every day this week and drank a half bottle since ah got home yesterday at Six pm. Ah’ve opened another bottle that’ll probably die tonight at some point because ah’ve got the taste for it noo and it’s ‘ in me’. Big C says that he laughs at me wi’ the Whisky because ah start off savourin’ a nip and by the Fourth or Fifth One ah’m practically knockin’ them back in a slug. On Monday night in Ullapool- ah was sick after drinkin’ an awfy thing that a rather stunnin’ young Lassie bought me- she walked by Dunc, Big C and I and asked if ah wanted a ‘Shot’- she had a face mask on and sounded a bit muffled because of it, and ah had tae ask her tae repeat what she said. So, daft auld Cunt’s no’ in the mood tae refuse a young Woman’s offer of a drink. She told me tae knock it back in a One- er, and ah did and immediately felt sick and had tae vacate the premises tae find a Wa’ tae be sick behind. It was One of those sickly sweet fragments of an Abortion fae some hideous incest between Alcohol, Sugar and who knows. After bein’ sick ah felt fine and stuck tae the Balvennie Doublewood. On the Tuesday we had a quiet day drink wise and had a guid wee drink on oor last night. Ah got invited up tae Elgin for ‘a party, a Shacky up  and mare’, in Elgin, ‘ anytime.  The scenery was stunnin’ up there. Assynt, Loch Broom, Loch Maree, Torridon- just about too stunnin’ for words. It could’ny have been short of Eight Hundred Miles, the amount of Miles we travelled. It was over all too soon and back tae Livi was Shite, hey ho.