The Cancer Diaries -15.11.15

I got my ‘half time’ scan yesterday at St Jocks and I’ll find out on Monday how the chemo is going. Hopefully it will be finished on New years eve but I’ll have to wait and see. I’ve had so many scans and x rays in the last couple of months I’ll either get more cancer or turn into the Incredible hulk. I often think about how lucky I’ve been – the stroke I wasn’t aware of that could’ve turned me into a vegetable, the heart attack that almost killed me and the cancer which could kill me in the future. I don’t have a greater appreciation of life at the moment but I’m sure that will come if and when I get the all clear from the cancer. The thought that does seem to flit through my mind more than any other is ‘F–k sake- I had a Heart attack’. I didn’t see that coming and never thought about it. The cancer was different as I always thought I’d die of that- lung cancer was the favourite, and was always a worry to me. A scary thing about a heart attack is that it could be instant whereas the cancer takes a bit of time to kill you. I’ve been so lucky having great people helping me through all this – family, friends, well wishers- as well as all the Doctors, nurses and hospital staff who have been wonderful.                           ———  Before going to the hospital yesterday I was at the centre with Chris and I bought a couple of CD’s for a Tenner. I got the ‘Essential Heart’ -which is essentially shite apart from the songs from the ‘Dreamboat Annie’ album and another one or two which are not too bad . I also got ‘Tears for fears’- the collection, mainly for ‘Woman in chains’ and like the Heart CD it’s mostly shite but worth buying for the good songs. Lately, I’ve been listening to Horse, Led Zeppelin, The Grateful dead and going on youtube and playing old favourites- it’s great and it’s also highly addictive- so for an ex heavy smoker who’s trying to come off the Bob Hope it’s ideal.  Tomorrow will be a month since my Heart attack and a month since my last cigarette – I’m hoping to do without either for a long time to come.