What a shit day yesterday was. Really stressed out with this gum problem. I got all confused with my tablets and ended up throwing about a dozen in the bucket because they all look the same and I couldn’t remember which ones I’d taken- which led to me losing the plot and throwing my glasses against the wall and breaking them. Will probably end up having another heart attack which, at this point in time, I would take -as long as it was fatal.
Baby faced Davy and wee fat Bastard
That’s the chemo done for this week – just one more round at the end of the month and , hopefully that will be that. No more doubling up in pain when I pee [ the week after the chemo ] – it’s always the week after that I feel like shite – but they did tell me that. Still, when all’s said and done I’m very happy to still be on the planet almost Four months after being told I had a Fifty/ Fifty chance of surviving the cancer that I’d been diagnosed with. Even happier, and luckier, to be here after surviving a heart attack that almost killed me. So, I can look forward, in the new year, to my hair growing back and getting back to decent health. Still chuffed with my ‘no to fags’ life but I really do miss rolling and smoking a joint – but I’d rather not have another heart attack, so that will always be out of bounds until a doctor tells me I can smoke again.
It’s now Eight months since I moved into the flat and it’s been an eventful time. The first month was awfy – the flat was frozen and I wondered if it was worth the hassle. I’m very lucky to have a great family and friends and they all rallied round and helped to get me settled. From April onwards I just felt ill – Bordeaux was great but my health wasn’t and I was struggling during the trip. June, July and August seemed to be taken up with hospital visits – CT scans, Biopsy’s [ bone and tissue ] and blood tests. Finding out I had Lymphoma in late August and a 50/50 chance of survival put a dampener on things and chemo therapy and hair loss wasn’t what I’d been hoping for. October wasn’t much better – on the same day that I found out that at some point in the past I’d had a stroke and that part of my brain was dead, I had a near fatal heart attack. Twice during the attack I almost died- so I’m very lucky and grateful to be alive. If I survive till Hogmanay [when the chemo hopefully ends ] I’ll have some nice red wine and a Glayva .