Fuck sake, what a week that was. Monday(25th) was the Sixth anniversary of ma near fatal Heart Attack, so a celebrated wi’ big Callum, a bottle of Old Pulteney and half a bottle of Tamnavulin. Ah remember spillin’ half a bag of Sugar and half a jar of Coffee on the floor, so it was probably a good night. Ah’ve been sent tae Coventry wi’ Linda and Andrew for a couple of Pus book posts ah put up. Ma post aboot the Tory MP gettin’ stabbed was way over the top and ah regret puttin’ it up on Facebook. It was Ned-ish and out of order and ah’m sorry ah posted it. It caused a wee stir among ma family, tae say the least, and ah wish ah’d watched Camilla Creampie on the Tablet instead. Ah stand by ma questioning of Walter Smith’s legendary status, though. Anyway, it’s been a Shitey week and ah’ve slept through most of it- the Vietnam War documentary was great and ah thoroughly enjoyed it. Ah missed the episode that covered the Mai Lai massacre, so ah watched a You Tube thing aboot it. There was another massacre on the same day where almost a Hundred innocents were slaughtered- and that was aboot Two miles fae Mai Lai. Ah was thinkin’ aboot Tories and royalty and aw that landed Gentry- a Thoosand years the chinless inbred Cunt’s have controlled anything that’s controllable. Parliament, Law, employment, everything, and ye still get those Tits who’ll wave their wee Union Jacks and tell ye that we need the House of Lords- Fuck off. The same people who go on aboot Winston Churchill and how he won the war. The Americans and Russians won the war- we were gettin’ shat on untill they came on tae the scene- if they hadny, we’d aw be Goose-stepping up tae the Sausage shop whistlin’ Lilly effin’ Marlene. Time for somethin’ tae eat- ah’ll get back tae bein’ a crabbit Cunt.

The big Yelly Van.

Ah had a great day today wi’ the Broons- a full hoose- it’s no often the Four of us get together so it was brilliant. Nick and big Di were here, too, and we aw had a great laugh. It got me thinkin’, when they’d headed back doon tae Hawick, aboot growin’ up in Pumphy in the late Sixties and early Seventies. There seemed tae be a weird amount of Brothers and Sisters who still lived together into their Sixties- there were Five families in Harrysmuir North, alone. Maybe Harrysmuir North was seen as ‘possible incest St’- ah don’t know. In those Five families there were Fifteen Brothers and Sisters and One mother who was a cantankerous auld Cunt who tried tae spoil oor fun at every chance she got. Anyway, the big Yelly Dafty Bus wid come in tae Pumphy Once a week tae take the Lunatics off the grass and away tae the special school at Oakbank( ah think) a couple of miles away. They should’ve spent Three or Four Hours at the special school but the Bus picked so many people up at Pumphy that ah think they got Twenty minutes playin’ wi’ Crayons and swappin’ bogies. When the Bus first arrived in Pumphy there was the driver and Popeye the Sailor man behind him, wavin’ at everythin’ and awthing- by the time the Bus left Pumphy it looked like One of those over crowded trains in India- folk hangin’ fae the roof , on the wing mirrors, the bumpers- mental.

Odds and ends.

That’s me quite settled in tae the new flat, noo. Ah’m relatively content and tryin’ tae leave behind some of ma bad habits at Forth Drive, unfortunately buryin’ ma heid under the sand is a bad habit, like the fags, that ah canny shake off. Ah’m coughin’ like Fuck 70% of the time ah’m smokin’ a joint- fuckin’ mental, and logic just flies oot the windie. Anyway, ah’ve felt as if a melancholy is creepin’ in- no’ quite the Black Dug, but a worn oot deflated feelin’ that ah’m strugglin’ wi’ at the moment.. Ah’ve got that that auld place tae deal wi’- ah might just send the keys back tae them by post. Ah just want tae wash ma hands of it. Ah’ve got a Cunt of  cauld as well, and that’s just makin’ things worse. Ah was at the Scotland v Israel World Cup qualifier- that was great but ah think it’s where ah picked up ma cauld. It was worth it, though,- the atmosphere was brilliant. That Israel are a shower of cheatin’ Cunts and ah’m no’ surprised that Tutankhamen’s uncle( or whoever the Fuck it was) told them tae go forth and multiply. Ah watched an awfy disturbing thing on the Telly aboot German atrocities in Ukraine durin’ WW2. hearin’ soldiers tryin’ tae justify shootin’ Two Million Mother’s and their kids was quite chillin’ – the matter of factness was quite scary.

This has been a Shit week fae day One on Sunday up to and includin’ noo. These legs are gettin’ tae me. Ah hate goin’ oot because they get really painful and even a wee walk is a Cunt. Ah get up, have a double dose of the Amatryptilene and the Prozac, wash it doon wi’ a Whisky Coffee and usually go back tae ma bed. Ah hate the Winter and ah don’t know if ah’ve got the will power tae stick it oot. Because ah get a wee overlap of Tablets fae Boots ah’m able,every Two months, tae put a wee stash away just in case. Ah’m off tae Hampden tomorrow for the Scotland Israel game and am lookin’ forward tae it. A wee win wid put us in  guid place tae make the play offs. We get a run through and back which is great because it’s aw the effin aboot before ye get tae the game and aw the effin’ aboot after it’s finished that’s a pain in the erse.. Anyway, ah canny be bothered typin’ and ah’ off for a soak in the bath. More tomorrow.



A few months back at Fort Apache, the Drive, when the wee Cunt next door was attractin’ the Polis every Five minutes, ah got a knock on ma door One night after a particularly noisy evenin’. Ah opened the door and the Polis were there- Three of them. The guy who knocked ma door was obviously a man on a mission who wisny goin’ home without arrestin’ people. Ah found his manner somewhat confrontational, for a member of the Gestapo, but, lookin’ at him, ah could see where aw this quiet rage was comin’ fae. He was a Cunt who obviously got bullied when he was at School. He was aboot ma height and he had what must’ve been the World’s strongest prescription glasses ah’ve ever seen- the Two lenses were full of eye- if ah’d got a shot of them ah wid’ve probably seen water on Mars. It got me thinkin’ aboot the Polis and what percentage of them got bullied when they were young and was this was their way of gettin’ back at the bullies. Ah always thought that the entry exam tae the Polis was made up of just Two questions- Are ye a Bawbag wi’ nae mates ?. If ye answered yes tae them both ye were in. Ah always thought that  Karate folk are a bit like the Polis- Ninety Five per cent Bawbags wi’ the odd good guy thrown in. Most of the Karate folk ah’ve met or known were awfy Bawbags- aw obsessed wi’ their Martial Art and the smug knowledge that they can knock Fuck oot ye, Cunt’s.    Anyway, ah was at Kelty on Saturday passed watchin’ the Kelty Hearts play Annan Athletic in the Scottish League Two top of the table clash. Kelty won 2-1 in front of a great wee crowd. Ah felt it comin’ back home after the game. Ah got dropped off at the shop – it’s no’ far fae ma flat and ah thought ah’d get ma shoppin’ and stroll doon leisurely tae Castle Scud. By Fuck, was ah wrong. Ah was totally effed when ah got the few Hundred yards back tae the flat. Ah had tae stop Four or Five times. It despairs me, bein’ almost crippled wi’ this Shite circulation but it’s of ma own ma makin’ Ah have tae give up smokin’ but ah just dinny think ah’ve got the will power- ah love bein’ stoned, so the edible route seems tae be the best option. Anyway, more tomorrow or later.

New House.

That’s almost a week noo in the new place and ah’m settlin’ in nicely. Got the kitchen, hallway and livin’ room sorted- ah need an Ariel and a bookcase for the bedroom and that’ll be me. Walkin’ tae the shop can be an ordeal as ah have tae stop every so often tae give ma Calf’s a rest. Walkin’ back can be a Bastard tae. Despite the move and the new/familiar sights ma health is a constant downer. Ah get a wee bit depressed ( or down, at least) and it’s become a regular occurrence- dizzy spells, sharp jaggin’ pains in ma legs and arms and wee murmurs in ma chest. Ah think sometimes that ah’ll probaby drop doon deid before the years oot- just ma luck. Still, ah’ve got loads tae keep ma mind of aw that Shite. It’s guid that ah dinny have tae go far for the Bob Hope, which, ah must admit, ah’ve no’ been smokin’ as much. Ah spend most of the time in the kitchen at the table, which has been an awfy boon and is the only cluttered part of the flat. Ah always end up wi’ far too much Shite and ma big job here in the new place will be tae keep it fae gettin’ cluttered. That’s me till Saturday – sometimes the site crashes after ah’ve typed oot alot of words and it’s annoyin’, so ah’m signin’ off.