Science Corner – 22,2,16

Boffins at the Pumpherston institute of science stuff [P.I.S.S ] think they have discovered why Germany win the World cup all the time -LIDL. Because the food is mainly cheap Shite the footballers try harder than anyone else in order to spend their win bonus in the more upmarket Eichman and Spencers [ Marks never lived through the war ].German singer, Cilla Schwarz, who had a hit with ‘What’s it all about ALDI’ and who’s mother, Cilla snr – [ they have a lot more imagination in engineering and Genocide than they do when it comes to names ] famously, during the war, used to hunt down Jews in hiding and hand them striped pygamas with the words ‘surprise, surprise’ at the moment of capture. That’s why my money’s on the Germans to win the European Championship in France this summer – cheap food.

More cancer Diaries – 16,2,16

I must admit to being well pissed off when I discovered a new lump on my neck just weeks after finishing my chemo. I wondered if there was going to be an end to all this ill health that I’ve had over the last couple of years. Fortunately Dr Hale reassured me about the lump and said a lot of what I was feeling at the moment was a reaction to all that’s gone before over the last Six months – ie, an aggressive form of blood cancer, being given a 50/50 chance of surviving it, being told that a part of my brain had died due to a stroke I never knew I’d had, a massive heart attack that almost killed me, finding out that 60% of my vascular system is beyond help, being told that 75% of the arteries that supply the blood to my brain are blocked and can’t be sorted – and being paid off from work due to ongoing ill health – so, I suppose it’s not surprising that I have moments of melancholy and negative thinking. On the positive side, I am Two stones heavier than I was this time last year – the pay off from my work will allow me to go to Paris and Bordeaux with Davy in June and Springtime is not far off. Hibs are in the unusual position of being contenders for a treble of promotion and Two cup finals and at the end of this month I’ll get my first glimpse of the Cuillins and Ullapool in winter. So, things could be a lot worse. Hopefully the visit to the specialist next week will put the Cancer into the memory box.013 (3)