Monthly Archives: September 2022

So, that’s that then- the Queen is dead, long live the King. Ah canny deny that ah felt a wee tinge of sadness at auld Lizzie’s passin’. Ah’m nae monarchist or Royalist but she was a face and a presence ah’ve known aw ma life and it is a Jesus Christ things will be different noo, time in aw oor lives. Everything will Change- Bank notes, coins, stamps- it’s the King’s highways noo, and King’s Councils at court and every other thing that had Queen before it will have King before it noo. Ah thought the wee Paddington thing was awfy nice and she looked a frail, but happy, contented wee woman. She was born in the same year as auld Bunty and ah actually thought of auld Bunty when ah saw the Queen rattlin’ her spoon on her saucer at the start of that Queen( the group) song. It will probably be ma abidin’ image of her -that and her Marmalade Sandwich in her hand bag. Awfy nice and poignant and aw the other words ah could use tae put it in a positive light- but, FFS let’s have some normal back. Ah feel as if Three days of news and constant coverage has just fallen on ma heid and smothered me. It’s a nice opporchancity tae listen tae Kirsty Wark and Kirsty Young speakin’, which is always a wee joy, ah also feel as if ma next Five days and more will be dominated by Royal Shit. WHO the Fuck did Penny Mordaunt shag tae get that job at Charlie’s swearin’ in ceremony?. It’s like bein’ in a bad dream or bad sleep that ye canny get away fae. Aw the nonsense and pomp and ceremony- gie’s a brek- just Five minutes of other news wid be nice.

Ma insomnia insists- Saturday and Sunday didny exist sleep wise- Sunday night’s sleep was intermittent, tae say the least. So, on Monday night ah’m fully expectin’ a good sleep( at Half One in the morning) when ah went tae ma bed, after bein’ awake for almost Forty Oors. Did ah get a guid sleep ?- did ah Fuck. Ah couldny sleep and ah tossed and turned constantly and got oot ma bed at Six tae get ma milk in, efter Two weeks of gettin’ up at mad times and findin’ that the milk had turned tae curds and whey( which sounds like a comedy duo who their audience can only remember One of them ( ma Grammar seems a bit off, there) – Ah forgot what ah was on aboot and had tae go back a couple of lines. So, efter another Shite sleep, ah was stirred at mid-day when the big C phoned tae say he was thinkin’ aboot comin’ doon for a blether. Ah said, as ah always dae, nae problem, ah’ll pit the Kettle oan and hung up. Luckily, he said he’d be doon at 1pm, because when ah hung up ah realized ah was soakin’ wi’  sweat – ma hair and neck were drippin’ wi’ sweat, ma torso was drippin’ wet, the pilly was soakin’ -tae the point where there was a wee damp patch on the pilly underneath ma top pilly- the other mattressy  thing that Linda got me for movin’ in was soakin’. It was fuckin’ alarming and ah actually panicked at the amount ah had sweated durin’ the Shite, intermittent, nightstand sleep ah’d just had. Ah ran through tae the toilet and immediately put the shower on, hardly waitin’ for it tae heat up( and it’s a Cunt tae heat up quick enough at the best of times). Ah have tae Quarter turn a thing between the Two taps at the same time as turnin the hot lever on, otherwise the water’ll come oot the taps instead of the shower heid, which is fine if ah’m wantin’ a shower at ma leisure- but ah bulletted through like a man possessed, thinkin’ what the eff is gaun oan. The exertion fae daein’ that put ma heart rate right up and ah got aw paranoid – the last time ah sweated that profusely was when ah was havin’ ma heart attack. It was Biblical- the torrent of sweat that flooded off ma body- and ah hadny a clue what was happenin’ tae me- gaspin’ for air that wisny there, no’ knowin’ at the time it was because ma Lungs were fillin’ wi’ ma ain body fluids. If there was a God, and ah know that there isny, and ah feel quite confident in that assumption- ah wid thank him, or her( and, that’s it, ah don’t effin’ care who ah offend wi’ just sayin’ him or her-in the history of Humans ( or HuWomans, or HumanWomankind( that’s what the People’s Front of Judea wid argue aboot, ah canny be fuckin’ bothered. Anyway, if there was a God( or Goddess) ah wid praise him( or her). Fuck yer ‘ theys’ or ‘It’s’ or ‘whay’s’ or ‘why’s’- like ah said, if yer offended by that, Fuck ye, ah don’t care. In the Century ah was born in, there were men and women. There were men who fancied women and there were women who fancied men- there were women who fancied women and men who fancied men. Growin’ up ah saw Ben the Dug try tae have sexual relations wi’ other male Dugs – ah’ve seen other male Dugs try tae have sexual relations wi’ Ben the Dug- and ah think – ‘So what’  they’re no daein’ anybody or thing any harm, good luck and ah hope yer happy, but when ye hear aw that political correct Shite aboot ‘it’ and ‘they’ and Trans sexuals and a new letter gettin’ added on every month tae the already bulgin’ list of letters they have noo, for aw that stuff – takes aboot Two days tae say them aw. Ah went away fae the main plot there-  ah was talkin’ aboot sprintin’ intae the shower. Before talkin’ aboot that, ah didny mention that ah’d been hallucinatin’ and when planes were flyin’ over, ah was hearin’ things- like Four or Five people speakin’ at Once, just slightly further away than the crowd listenin’ tae Jesus at the beginnin’ of The Life of Brian who heard, apparently, that the Greeks were going to take over the world- so, that seemed tae be a portent of no’ very good things tae come. When ah got under the shower ah felt unsteady on ma feet, but, after a minute of that and a strange paranoia, ah calmed doon and the rest of the day was OK. It’s half Eight in the mornin’ and ah’m tryin tae phone the health centre for a phone appointment – so, ah’m havin’ a wee break.

Today was rough as Fuck and ah’m glad it’s done wi’. Tae be honest, since gettin’ back tae Pumphy fae the Train journey tae Arrochar ah’ve had the Black Dug. It had been such a great day wi’  Linda and Chris and Davy- the food and drink was amazin’, the scenery was stunnin’- a jolly day was had by all. Contrast that wi’ the ‘back tae normal’ of Pumphy and what dae ah end up wi’ ?. a realization of how Shite ma normal is. Ah can hardly walk- ah’m fat- a beer belly and Dolly Parton Tits- as a result of bein’ a virtual prisoner in ma ain hoose, dizzy spells where ah get cauld awfy quick and have tae sit doon. Fuck knows what that is. For some reason ah’ve been strugglin’ tae sleep as well. Ah’ve no’ seen the wee Cat for a few days, noo. Ah’ve got tins of Cat food and a carton of Cat treats for the wee Bugger. Ah’m gaun tae chap the door of the woman in the next block, who’s Cat it is, and ask her if it’s OK. Was gettin’ fond of the wee thing and ah hope it’s no’ been knocked doon. Liz Truss as PM- what the fuck is aw that aboot?.  So, ah ended up lookin’ at the knife ah use tae shave the pollen off the lump ah’ve got – but ah thought ‘Fuck that’.  Ah couldny kill masel( well, ah am smokin- which is the same thing as suicide in a roond aboot way) wi’ violence- ah’ll day it One day wi’ the Amitriptylines and some Whisky- no’ yet, though.

The last couple of weeks have been an ordeal. Soon, ah’ll no’ be able tae walk- ah’m stoppin’ every Two minutes and ah’m gettin’ fat- throw insomnia intae the mix and it aw makes for a Shite quality of life. One of these days ah’ll have a daft turn and swally aw the Amitriptylines. Felt like that today walkin’ up and doon fae the shop and it’s only aboot Two or Three Hundred yards.

The train journey on the Northern Belle was great- the fab Four( the Broons) had a great time, thanks tae Davy’s generosity. In Monopoly ye get the chance/ Community chest cards wi’ Your annuity has matured or ye’ve won money- ah think Davy gets aboot Three o’ them a week. Davy’s always guid- wi’ money- ah’m fuckin’ Shite. Anyway, the train tae Arrochar and Bus journey tae Inveraray castle for a wee walkaboot was great. Ah wish ah could remember what ah had tae eat but ah’ve been wasted on the Valium aw week. Ah’ll have tae give them up- on top of the Amitriptyline and Prozac and the Bob Hope, they’re a bit much. Ah’ve had the Black Dug aw week and done alot of sleepin’ and very little eatin’. Walkin’ has become an ordeal and ah’m thinkin’ if ye canny walk what the fuck can ye dae?. Ah put the grill on tae light a joint and smoked it,then went tae ma bed for a wee nap. The wee nap ended up bein’ Six oors- and ah’d left the grill on- and the kitchen was like the Equator. Dodged a bullet wi’ that One and could’ve ended up toasted. Ma cough isny shiftin’ and ah just feel lethargic aw the time. Ah find that when ah’m in company ah’m fine and upbeat – fuck it -ah’m gettin’ depressed just writin’ this. Hopefully the next entry will be a bit more light-hearted.