This is the anniversary of Scud seniors funeral which I mentioned the other day. Winter’s shite. I bought some wine -I’ve still got a birthday card from Chris, which has a quote by Louis Pasteur on the front which says -‘There is more philosophy in a bottle of wine than all the books in the world’ -and I thought ‘F–k it -I’ll get a couple of bottles of wine and get really philosophical. After half a glass I just didn’t fancy any more – I had more than enough on Thursday and probably shouldn’t be drinking as much as I have been over the last Six weeks. I’ve still got a birthday card from Linda which says on the front ‘Where there’s Tea there’s hope – that’ll be the road I’m going down tonight. With not smoking [ for Three Months now ] and curtailing the awfy drug habit that I had before the cancer I feel as though some kind of buzz keeps me from going mad but drink’s not the way – I really miss a joint but don’t fancy the tobacco and am happy to be a non smoker. How ironic that now that I don’t smoke, my vascular system is like a chimney that was in use every day for Forty years and never swept. I would think that pure grass going into my lungs and blood stream would be as harmful as tobacco. Still, I can have some Rastafarian Tetley and that seems to do the job. If the doctor told me to stop the Tea, I would – I’ll find out on Tuesday. It’s funny – but I’m eating more than I have done for a while. I had two slices of toast this morning and a big hearty dinner – mince and tatties [ with Carrots, mushrooms and kidney beans in the mince ] and Brussel sprouts. I also had Three grated carrots and Three cherry Tomatoes -and I’ve not had my supper yet. I am Two stone heavier than I was last March when I moved into the flat – and I look and feel terrible. I think the last year has taken an awful toll on me- physically and mentally. The Lymphoma was nothing -the Heart attack and finding out about the state of my arteries knocked the wind out my sails. If the hospital and Doctors were to tell me that I’d need more chemo for the next year, I’d think ‘aye, fine, gies it and it wouldn’t be a problem. I cant afford to have any more arterial damage – I’m one dodgy artery away from a stroke – from the hips up my arteries are in an awfy state- from the hips down, they’re not much better.
A Saturday ramble -23, 1,16
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