Had a shit day today – it started off when I got up and noticed that my hair was falling out like snow and I thought ‘that’s aw ah need’. I got a phone call from officialdom making me feel guilty about having this F–kin’ cancer – honestly I could’ve shot the C–t. Everyday I’ve got a new letter from the hospital for a new scan, a new appointment, another specialist – or letters from people wanting money that I’ve not got, everyday a new worry seems to be waiting just over the hill and I’ve got some Fuckin’ Tool making me feel worse over a phone – what a C–t. The day brightened up when Stevie B came round with some cancer treats – Tunnocks Tea Cakes and Caramel logs. How Two computer dafties managed to get Bordeaux photos from my computer onto that wee stick thing and back onto Stevies computer is beyond me – but between us [ a Third of The GIRONDIN D’ECOSSE] we managed it. With all those cakes I’ll die of sugar diabetes before I die of cancer. I will no doubt have days like this when I’ll feel like shite and think ‘What’s the point’ ? . I have so many wonderful people supporting me at this time – family, friends and Doctors and nurses I feel bad about feeling down and negative about the whole thing, as I have done for the last couple of days. I just feel totally worn out by it all – hospitals, the phone ringing constantly and feeling shite. Still, I have my music to listen to and youtube for old Fitba’ clips and episodes of ‘The staggering stories of Ferdinand de Bargos’ and other great stuff. Thanks to stevie for today- it’s almost ‘Family Guy’ time and I cant think of anything else to say.
The cancer Diaries 2.10.02 – pt 2
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