Had a shit week so far. I don’t know if it’s the chemo or the other medication I’m on but I’ve been in quite a bit of pain – on Sunday night I felt as if my body was under siege- my arms, legs and chest were so sore I could only think ‘heart attack’ and never slept. On Monday I had the heart rehab place to go to at St Jocks and my heart is recovering well. The Doctors seem to be quite happy with everything – my heart, my chemo – but my Arteries are like a road to the seaside on a bank holiday heatwave and I might need another procedure to sort out the blood flow to my right eye. It’s funny but I don’t worry about the cancer – it’s the Artery situation that keeps me awake at night. Every pain that I get in my arms, legs, chest or neck and I think ‘is that a clogged Artery, am I a couple of heartbeats away from a stroke’?. I wouldn’t want that – not knowing when I’ve shit myself and having some poor bastard clean it up. I hope that when I die it’ll be quick.
The cancer Diaries -25.11.15
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