The cancer Diaries – 25,3,16

My first full day of knowing that I’ve still got the cancer and it’s shite. When I was first diagnosed back in September and told that I had a 50/50 chance of survival I thought ‘I can live with that’ it was a bit like Scotland away to someone like Latvia in the World Cup. A good chance of F–king up big time, but, on the other hand, a good chance of a result. After being told that after all that chemo therapy and the hair loss and discomfort that go hand in hand with it, I’ve still got cancer, I just feel a bit deflated. I suppose it could’ve been worse news – being told that I was terminally ill would certainly have been worse. I did know that I still had it – what is more worrying is the pain I get in my legs, which, I hope is arterial and not cancer. I find music is a great comfort – I love listening to my music – I love all kinds – apart from that ‘yo mutha F–ka’ rap music and death metal. In the last couple of weeks I’ve bought CD’s by T Rex, Jeff Beck, Birdy, Katherine Jenkins, Culture Club, The Grateful Dad and Neil Young. Well, that’s it for now – it’s a beautiful day and some retail therapy beckons – the new ‘Birdy’ CD and a Scotsman if there’s a good write up on Johann Cruyff in it. When I was a boy I watched him on TV and immediately after watching him would go outside with my ball and imagine I was him.

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