The curious case of Flatulencia Windass.

Ah’ve been tryin’ tae stop the fags and have been makin’ alot of Cannabis Tea and Cakes. Linda wid go mental if she knew how much money ah’ve spent on Bob Hope and drink in the last Two weeks. Ah think ah’ve left it too late, though- ah’ve got the worst cough ah’ve ever had and ah know aw aboot coughs, ah could write a fuckin’ Thesis on them. Anyway, Bordeaux for ma birthday in April and le Fitba'(which is French for ‘le Fitba’). Had a guid wee time buying mainly Shite- ah got some nice Whisky, though. The Boabby Thomson Cancer Bus will head for Ullapool in August for a much anticipated return to the heilans. Scotland bein’ back on the big stage at the Fitba’ was guid. Ah likened it a bit to goin’ to a party and no’ gettin’ a shag at the end of the night but seein’ plenty of cleavage while the party was in full swing. It’s quite sad in a way that oor Two ‘wee victories’ were the full time whistle at Wembley after a 0-0 draw and the equalizer against Croatia. We’re just Shite at defendin’. Ah thought we were OK- passin’, organization, aw good. Just Shite defendin’ – oh, and finishin’. Ah’ll stop at that before this gets like the ‘What have the Romans ever done for us’ scene, from the Life of Brian………