This story originates from the Boabby Thomson Cancer Bus, or Shite Club, if yer lookin fae Callums point of view, on account of the Shite Dunc and I came oot wi. Normally what was said at Shite Club stayed at Shite club, but exceptions can be made. We were talking about strange encounters of the, how can ah put this withoot upsetting some politically correct C–t, womany stuff. Fuck it, we were talkin aboot sex, we’re grown men,fur F— sake. Ah think the specific conversation involved strange encounters of the sex kind. Ma story involved an encounter wi a woman who’s Toilet area smelled like Peanut Butter. At this point, Dunc informed me that he loved Peanut Butter and ah abruptly stopped ma story. in mid spread, ye could say. Dunc never touched Peanut Butter for aboot Two years after that and the story has ended up in Cancer Bus lore. It cropped up again last Friday at a Cancer Bus meetin’ when Callum and Dunc tried to get a name from me. Ah was adamant it would remain a secret between Peanut Butter Fanny and I. Honestly, the pair were pumpin me thoroughly in the de briefin’ room, but ah was keepin tight lipped, which for me, is a F–kin challenge. Then they wanted clues, but ah was smart, and didny give them any. Then they were asking if they knew who she was ,but ah was smart and didny tell them. Then they came oot wi names, mostly wi ‘Big’ before the name [ that’s another story, if ah’m bein’ honest it’s quite a few stories] and oot of sheer frustration, ah think, Callum,roared oot ‘Wis it yer Mother’ ? and ah immediately said ,yer close, it was ma Granny, but the worst of it was ma Grandads cock tasted like Treacle Toffee. So, that produced a bit of Hilarity. Next time on ‘Tales from Amatriptyland’, the Four Tape solution, and The Lark Ascending.
June 13th 2020. The curious case of Peanut Butter Fanny
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