June 13th 2020. The curious case of Peanut Butter Fanny

This story originates from the Boabby Thomson Cancer Bus, or Shite Club, if yer lookin fae Callums point of view, on account of the Shite Dunc and I came oot wi.¬† Normally what was said at Shite Club stayed at Shite club, but exceptions can be made. We were talking about strange encounters of the, how can ah put this withoot upsetting some politically correct C–t, womany stuff. Fuck it, we were talkin aboot sex, we’re grown men,fur F— sake. Ah think the specific conversation involved strange encounters of the sex kind. Ma story involved an encounter wi a woman who’s Toilet area smelled¬† like Peanut Butter. At this point,¬† Dunc informed me that he loved Peanut Butter and ah abruptly stopped ma story. in mid spread, ye could say. Dunc never touched Peanut Butter for aboot Two years after that and the story has ended up in Cancer Bus lore. It cropped up again last Friday at a Cancer Bus meetin’ when Callum and Dunc tried to get a name from me. Ah was adamant it would remain a secret between Peanut Butter Fanny and I. Honestly, the pair were pumpin me thoroughly in the de briefin’ room, but ah was keepin tight lipped, which for me, is a F–kin challenge. Then they wanted clues, but ah was smart, and didny give them any. Then they were asking if they knew who she was ,but ah was smart and didny tell them. Then they came oot wi names, mostly wi ‘Big’ before the name [ that’s another story, if ah’m bein’ honest it’s quite a few stories] and oot of sheer frustration, ah think, Callum,roared oot ‘Wis it yer Mother’ ? and ah immediately said ,yer close, it was ma Granny, but the worst of it was ma Grandads cock tasted like Treacle Toffee. So, that produced a bit of Hilarity. Next time on ‘Tales from Amatriptyland’, the Four Tape solution, and The Lark Ascending.

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3 Responses to June 13th 2020. The curious case of Peanut Butter Fanny

  1. Ben T. Cunt says:

    Sir, I write on behalf of my client, who will henceforth be referred to as the “party of the first part” The party of the first part has instructed me, as her lawyer, to initiate proceedings against you, who will henceforth be known as “the party of the second part” regarding a breech of anonymity; in as much as the party of the second part has made public an alias of the party of the first part. i.e. Peanut Butter Fanny. The party of the first part’s position, among others of which you are no doubt familiar, is that while the nomenclature Peanut Butter Fanny may appear anonymous, she maintains she is known to others by this name. Therefore her human rites have been breeched and she fears her real name ( not involving any sandwich filling ) may become known.

    In conclusion, it is normal on these occasions to ask all parties to sign a sanity clause but as a wise man once said “There aint no Sanityclaus.” The party of the first part and I will see you in court.

    Yours Ben T. Cunt. for Shyster, Guiser and Cunt.

  2. Ben T. Cunt says:

    Sir, I am contacting you on behalf of my client, henceforth to be referred to as the party of the first part. The party of the first part has instructed me, as her lawyer, to initiate legal proceedings against you; henceforth to be known as the party of the second part, in the mater of a breach of confidentiality, in that the party of the second part made known, within a publicly accessible web site, the alias of the party of the first part. i.e. Peanut Butter Fanny. The party of the first part’s position ( among others ) is that while the nomenclature Peanut Butter Fanny may imply anonymity, she maintains that she is known as this to other parties of numerous parts.

    I and the party of the first part will see you in court. Normal legal procedure at this point would be a request to sign a Sanity clause but as a wise man once said, ” There aint no Sanityclause.”

    Yours, in high dugeon,

    Ben T. Cunt. Junior partner representing;

    Shyster, Guiser and Cunt.

  3. Hymie Shyster says:

    Sir, I write to apolgise for the actions of our junior partner here at Shyster, Guiser and Cunt. Benjamin Thomson Cunt has disgraced our highly esteemed practise by sending you, the party of the second part two very similar e-mails. This will be dealt with inhouse.

    Yours, Hymie Shyster.

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