That was the week that was.

Thank F–k that week’s over and done wi’. Friday and Saturday were Shite, Thursday and Wednesday were a bit abject, Tuesday and Monday were worse than that and Sunday must have been so Shitey that ah’ve blocked it fae ma memory. Hibs won, though and Leeds drew wi’ Man City at Elland Road. It’s great to see Leeds back in the top flight- One of ma boyhood dreams was realised when ah went there wi big Stuarty C. They were in the Third Division and Wycombe Wanderers were’ny one of the bigger clubs that’ve played at Elland Road, but it was a great day. Just bein’ close to the Pitch where Billy Bremner, Johnny Giles, Eddie Gray, et al [ it’s amazin’ the amount of times ‘et al’ crops up whenever there’s a crowd ye canny remember]. Ah was at a ‘Full House’ Derby against Huddersfield and the atmosphere was amazin’, probably ma fave Fitba’ ground ah’ve been tae[ a dither aboot wi’ ‘To’ or’ Tae- Tae’s right but To’s got Two letters, so ah canny make ma mind up]……… So, ah was oan aboot how Shite last week was. A really struggled tae sleep aw week wi that awfy feelin’ in ma legs, where ah feel as if bein’ dragged ooer one of those Cattle grid things at a Hundred MPH, for Five miles wid cure it. Ah have made up ma mind, as of tomorrow, nae mare Tobacco, ah’ll eat the Bob Hope, then, if ah stay off the Baccy ah could ween masel off the stuff. Ah’m a hopeless addict when it comes tae the Grass and the Baccy- but , like the man in the Film said ‘You get busy livin’ or ye get busy dyin’. The weather’s been Shite but even if it hadny been, ah canny walk any kind of distance. Sometimes ah feel crushed by the time ah get up those¬† effin’ stairs. No’ bein’ able tae go a decent walk is a pain in the erse- ah had Zac the Dug for a week and ah could’ny dae it justice walkin’ wise.¬† The wumman ooer the road fae Dunc had been takin’ Zac the Dug Six or seven miles a day for guid walks but Dunc, in his infinite somethin’ or other told her no’ tae bother for the week ah was there. Then Long John told Dunc that ah’d shouted at Zac the Dug and lost ma temper. Which ah’m ashamed tae admit ah did dae- Once.. Ah love the Dug and the Dug loves me – ye want tae see the rager it gets when ah turn up. If it burst Dunc’s livin’ room wid look like the Pumphy Chainsaw massacre……… When the Black Dug rears it’s heid and ah think aboot how aw the Shite that’s happened health wise over the past Five Years has fucked up ma life- it’s Fitba’ ah miss the maist. Just runnin’ wi’ a Ba’, playin’ keepiy uppy and runnin’ at the same time or just givin’ the Ba’ a guid whack- ah really miss that probably even more than ah miss a shag. If the length of time ye go withoot gettin’ yer Nat King Cole was converted intae a prison sentence, ah’d be on that Robben Island in the Shite cell next tae Nelson Mandela, shoutin’ through the wa’ ‘Ya lucky, lucky Bastard, they must think the Sune shines oot yer arse’.

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