The Boabby Thomson Diaries – 28,3, 16

While researching my family history I stumbled across an old dog eared document. If I was a tidy person I wouldn’t have stumbled upon it but I tripped up over something that would’ve been put away if I was a tidy person, but I’m not and that’s why I stumbled. Anyway, the document was ‘The history of Boabby Thomson – from Bannockburn to the Bings’. In fact there is evidence to suggest that in Roman times there was a slave uprising in Pumpheii, which is now roughly modern day Pumphy, apart from the Cawburn and the Bookies, and which was twinned with Pompeii, which was buried under the ash of Vesuvius in 79 AD. In an eerie and chilling coincidence on the anniversary of the Pompeii eruption, in 1899, a part of the Hairy Tip fell away as a landslide and buried alive the unfortunate shale miner, Boabby Thomson, who was doing a jobby in the ‘dry shite hoose’ at the time. Even more eerily and chillingly coincidental was the fact was that the evidence alluded to earlier was that the Boabby Thomson who jobbied and died [ forensics later concluded that imminent burial alive and subsequent death would certainly have helped to empty his Bowels] was,in fact a descendant of the female chief of the ancient spur Boabbycea – or Boabbica, as she is now referred to – the same Boabbycea who led the slave uprising against the Romans. The uprising was eventually crushed about where the Krazy Kuts used to be and rather than being taken alive Boabbycea committed suicide by taking poison -she had a pint of Lager in the ‘VII Oaksium – a drinking den in old Pumpheii. Her husband, also Boabbycea, escaped with their Nine children and changed his name to the more Roman friendly Boabbius Maximus Thomsonius. They are the ancestors of all the Boabby Thomsons who have followed. Next time – from the end of the Roman Empire up to Boabby Thomson’s part in the victories at Falkirk and Bannockburn.

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