The Wildlife Diaries -29,3,16

I’ll begin by mentioning that I live in Craigshill and by ‘Wildlife’ I mean Flora and Fauna and not the wild women that come oot the Tower singing ‘The Sash’ or ‘Danny Boy’. Mind you, if Flora and Fauna both walked out of the Tower at the same time singing ‘The Sash’ and ‘Danny Boy’, I’m quite sure that David Attenborough would have enough material for an epic series or Two. Anyway, the Wildlife I’m speaking of in particular are Starlings. I’ve got a fair sized Tree outside the flat and it’s a favourite haunt for, other than Starlings, Cushy Doos [or Wood Pigeons as non Pumphy people call them – a pot pourri of Bawbags, hoors and comic singers],Magpies and Crows. Earlier I saw some Starlings and they were all cleaning and preening themselves – it was almost like synchronised preening. With it coming into breeding and nesting season, they were obviously getting ready for the ‘Starry Lamp’ and an attempt to ‘get a Burd’. Flora and Fauna fae the Tower, however, will breed all year round if there is enough Cider, Heroin and Darts. I get Gulls as well – big Bastards who are just trying to live like all the other birds, but big Bastards, nevertheless. They’re back at my window after a good while away. I used to hide just under the window after putting food out for the Birds on the window box, then, when I heard the clumping about of Gulls outside I would jump up quickly and scare the shite oot them. After a few days of this, they buggered off and left the food for the Starlings, Magpies, Doos and whatever else dropped in. If I stay still enough the birds will happily eat away – I’ve whistled at the Pigeons and they look around with that glaikit look that they have when they’re no’ quite sure if there’s danger lurking or not. This time last year I’d just moved into the flat and just a few weeks later the Magpies were nesting outside and I used to watch them build their nest – going in a different way every day to outwit the Crows. Sadly, after returning from Bordeaux last May I discovered that the nest had been abandoned – no doubt the Crow that I’d seen dodging about near the nest chased the Magpies off for good.

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